I've often wondered what the worst thing a person could go through would be. At one point, I thought it would be cancer. Many might argue my opinion, but I've decided the worst thing a person could go through is seeing their child go through cancer. Watching them hurt and not being able to take it away with hugs and kisses better anymore. Seeing a giant scar on their stomach that will always be there to remind them of the disease they had. Watching them puke every 15 minutes all day long and not being able to do anything except hold the bucket in front of them and wiping their mouth when they're done. It makes you angry, depressed, hopeless, overwhelmed, and did I mention angry? I saw the picture of the tumor yesterday and I kinda wanted to go punch it and stomp on it and scream at it for making my baby so sick! Max has been up since 3 am today puking every 15-20 minutes. He wasn't even able to keep a sip of water down. I called his nurse twice today to make sure I was doing everything right and that it was normal. It breaks my heart seeing him so sick. He's lost so much weight already that he's just skin and bones. And his greyish pallor today from puking so much didn't help. And this is after only one chemo treatment. His hair is starting to shed like crazy already too. I thought we had a few more weeks before that would happen. Yet, even though he's been sick all day, he still found something to smile and laugh about this evening. I have to remind myself that if he can find something to laugh and smile about everyday even though he feels so crumby, I should be able to as well. So that is my goal, to find at least one thing everyday to laugh and smile about. Tonight, it was seeing both my boys snuggled up in my bed holding hands and watching Jake and the Neverland Pirates together. They are so innocent and so sweet, and they love each other so much. Those are the moments that melt my heart and help me see a light at the end of this very dark tunnel.

I sure love my sweet little boys!