The Golden Rule

The golden rule dates back ages and ages. It states that you should do unto others as you would have done unto you. This concept can be explained from the perspective of psychology, philosophy, sociology and religion. Psychologically, it involves a person empathizing with others. Philosophically, it involves a person perceiving their neighbor as also "an I" or "self." Sociologically, this principle is applicable between individuals, between groups, and also between individuals and groups. (For example, a person living by this rule treats all people with consideration, not just members of his or her in-group). Religion is an integral part of the history of this concept.

Another one I really like comes from the Disney movie Bambi. Thumper says, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

I really like these rules. I try to live by them, I fail sometimes as we all do. But I try. I really like what the golden rules definition explained, that it involves a person empathizing, putting yourself in someone else's shoes. How would you feel if you found out your child had cancer? What lengths would you go to to protect him and help him get better? Please think of this for a moment. Unfortunately, most people will never fully understand unless they go through it themselves. Which I wouldn't wish on anyone. Not one bit. I just think we need a reminder of these two sayings from time to time.

As a family going through having a child with cancer, we need all the positivity we can get. We need love, support, understanding, and forgiveness. All of our emotions are rightfully, yet unfortunately not very stable right now. We sometimes feel like we are going crazy. Especially me, mom, mama bear, trying to keep my sweet baby boy alive. We are trying our hardest to help Max get through this physically, mentally, and emotionally. Yes, he's two, but he does have feelings and understands better than people would think. Negative comments in anyway hurt his feelings and hurt his families feelings. Max is now bald and we are trying our hardest to help him still feel handsome. Which he totally is. Comments that others might think are funny, are hurtful to our little family. Again, we don't need the negativity. We have enough of it as it is. Negative comments said behind our back about the way we are handling things with Max are not at all helpful. Again, we need understanding and support, unconditionally.

We want to make this experience the best one we can. We try to have normal days, do normal things, we just do them a little differently than we used to. If we go to a store, we usually keep Max in the car with the other parent. We sanitize like crazy. If we go to a restaurant, we sit in more secluded areas and again, sanitize like crazy. Doing theses things are okay within reason and are encouraged by our doctor who wants us to still have fun with Max as a family. When Max's blood counts are too low, we stay home and barricade ourselves in with no visitors. Unfortunately, we can't plan on when this happens. We basically live day to day, week to week with this. Some days he is just fine to go out, have fun, and do normal activities. Other days, not so much. Some days we are okay to attend family events and parties and such, and others we are not. The problem is that we can't know for sure when he will have the low blood counts that will keep him barricaded in. We also try to keep our home a safe, clean place that Max can come to when he's done with outside activities and wash all those germs away. We need to keep our home this way. It's hard since we are living with my in laws, but they are mindful of Max and know that he is what is most important right now. We can't plan for big family activities to be held at our home because we won't know where Max's counts will be at that time. Isn't it better to be safe than sorry? I recently saw a great germ analogy to this on one of the cancer mom's pages on FB. She said that going out with your child in public is like going on a walk through the park. Even with how careful he is, he might step in dog poo. But having everyone in your home visiting is like someone bringing in a bag of dog poo and smearing it everywhere, since you never know what people are going to touch in your home. Being around strangers in public is also different than being around a lot of family visitors in your home. Strangers won't come up and hug him and get in his face and touch him. Family does. We are just trying to protect him and follow our doctors advice on both accounts. If this is still confusing to anyone, I can give you the phone number to our oncologist social worker to explain better.

Max had his 5th chemo treatment yesterday and it was just the Vincristine again. We are now on an every 3 week schedule for the Dactinomycin, but he will still get the Vincristine every week. He did so much better yesterday having his port accessed. The child life specialist came in and had great distractions. He only cried when the needle went it. This is huge progress for him! YAY! Hopefully she can come in every week now! Our visit was very short yesterday, we were in and out within an hour and a half. It was nice to have the rest of the day to ourselves. I ended up taking Sam on a mommy/son date. We went to lunch at taco time and went to see the movie Epic. It was cute and Sam and I enjoyed ourselves. Sam has had a really rough week this week. Which meant that I did too. We fought a lot and I'm ashamed to say, I yelled a lot. I think he is having a hard time with all this and just doesn't know how to handle his worry and anger about this situation. We spoke with our social worker about it yesterday and she gave us a cute little story book about a little boy who has a sibling with cancer. I hope that our one on one time yesterday helped him and that we can help him get through this as well.

Max is now officially bald and looks so cute. Sam has said some not so nice things to his brother about his head, but we are trying to explain to Sam that it's not okay to say them and that we should only say nice things. Again, Thumpers advice. I think this 4 year old is starting to understand a little. I sure love my little boys.

 I found Max eating Vanilla Wafers when I woke up the other morning. Lol

 Mommy/Sam date. Yep, his sunglasses are awesome!

 Max and Daddy went for a walk around the block and found a kitty. Max loves animals.

 Cutest bald little boy I've ever seen! I love his cheesers!

I apologize for how long this post is. I had some things I've been thinking about for the last couple of days and this blog is meant to be an outlet for me and a good place to update everyone at the same time. If, at anytime, I say something you don't like, feel free to stop reading. Thank you again to everyone who has supported us and has sent nothing but love, prayers and understanding our way. We need it.

This last week went pretty well. Max only threw up once and was fine once he did. His energy level was up to almost normal. The only difference was that he didn't want to eat normal food. Nope, just chips and cookies for this kid! At least he was eating.

He has amazed me so far by how resilient he is. He just bounces back so quickly. He really is a little superhero. They told us that his development and his talking would regress from all of this, but he has been talking better than ever and developing normally. I'm so proud of him!

We did another fundraiser yard sale on Saturday and made $856! I had two amazing helpers that showed up and helped all day both Saturdays. They are such angels and I'm so lucky to have them in my life. I was also lucky because my parents took the boys Friday night and Saturday so that I could focus on the yard sale and not worry about the boys. I have such great parents!

Max did his 4th chemo treatment yesterday. It was just the vincristine yesterday. It was really sad, once the nurse came in with the tray with all the stuff to access his port, Max started crying. I'm sure everyone in the hospital could hear him. He really hates having his port accessed and de-accessed. It really is the worst part for him. It breaks my heart every time seeing him cry so hard and being so scared. I keep thinking that it will get better each time, but it just doesn't. DANGIT!

We were able to do something fun and normal today. We went to Seven Peaks as a family and had an absolute blast! The boys loved playing in the wave pool. Sam was brave and slid down the little kid slides all on his own. And Max and I had a great time going around the lazy river over and over again on the tube. His favorite part was going under the waterfalls. He'd giggle while we went under one, and then he'd see the next one and start yelling, "mommy, wook!!! aaah! wook!!!" (look) He didn't want to leave the park, but once we did, he was out like a light. It was so nice to feel like we were having a normal summer for at least one day. I loved watching Max and Sam play together in the pool. Sam has become so protective of his little brother since all this started. It was cute watching Sam hold Max's hand while they were walking around the kiddy pool. Melts my heart. Sam has told me that it makes his tummy hurt when Max goes to the hospital because he worries about his brother. They are both such sweet little boys and I love them so much.

I also have to thank my sweet husband. I would be lost without him. He helps keep my head on straight and is such an amazing support. He goes with us to every appointment. Which is good, because I hate driving to SLC and always fall asleep on the way up and back. He helps so much with the boys and around the house as well as working more than full time. I never dreamed I would be so lucky to marry such an amazing man, and I'm so grateful that he is mine for eternity.

I have said before that it is so hard to see your own child going through something like this, but I am starting to come to grips that this is the Lord's plan and that I can't change it, I just have to trust that the Lord will see us through this, whatever the outcome, and we will be a stronger family because of it. I'm so thankful to have the knowledge of the gospel and to know that the Lord is helping us through this trial.

Thank you again to everyone who has helped out, donated, and just been there for us. We have some pretty amazing people in our lives and we are so lucky. : )

 My little Super Heroes!

 The boys having a blast with Grandpa Roger on Father's Day

 The boys made some pretty awesome pictures at the "Fun Zone" at the hospital. Sam made his for Max.

 Max fell asleep on the way home from Seven Peaks sucking on his towel. lol

This last week went so much better! Max only had to have the vincristine, and only threw up once. Our week almost felt like we were back to normal. Max was playing and laughing and having a blast. We were able to get some shopping done and even played at the splash pad. It was so nice having my silly little 2 year old back and happy.

We kept busy all week going through all the donations for the fundraiser yard sale. There were a lot of really great things people donated. I'm still amazed by all the amazing people that donated items for the yard sale and baked goods for the bake sale. I had so many people helping out as well. We really are blessed with some amazing people in our life. The fundraiser yard sale/ bake sale went great! We were so busy all morning. I never would have been able to pull it off without all the family and friends that came. People were so generous as well once they found out what the yard sale was for. I think I cried at least a dozen times Saturday, touched by how good people are. It was amazing to find out how many people went thought the same cancer or knew someone who did. It gives me hope every time I hear how well those survivors are doing now. We made just over $2,100! Thank you again to everyone for your help!

Yesterday was chemo day 3. He had both medicines, the vincristine and the dactinomycin. He cried while the dacto was being injected, crying that it hurt. He still cries every time the nurse comes in to either access his port or de-access it. He especially hates the tape. It breaks my heart every time. I try to keep him happy and distracted with a toy or a game on the kindle, but it was harder yesterday because the nutritionist and the complementary medicine doctors came in to talk with us. The nutritionist said we need to "power pack" feed Max right now to get extra calories and protein in his diet. And the complementary medicine doctor just advised me in how to use and not use essential oils while he's going through chemo. It was all great information. We also had a faculty member from the U talk to us about being part of a study for really young children going through chemo. They just want me to keep a diary of his side effects though out the week. Seemed easy enough, and if it will help future children going through chemo, then why not help? Sam and Nate played in the new "fun zone" (play room) at the hospital while Max and I went to his appointment. Sam was pretty excited to check out the new room and had a blast. It's nice that we can still enjoy Nate's days off as a family as best we can.

Unfortunately, Max developed a fever just after he finished chemo. When a child that's going through chemo gets a fever of 100.4 for more than and hour, or a one time fever of 101, they have to go get checked out at the hospital. The chemo meds they give him lower his white blood cells, which are the ones that show symptoms of infections. When they are lowered, the only sign of infection is a fever. They did lab work and everything came back normal. Thankfully! They sent us home and told us to come back at 6 am to follow up if he still had a fever. The fever went away during the night and Max woke up happy and playful this morning. So far, he's doing great. His appetite has decreased a little, but he's doing great.

 Max eating chips and watching a movie while we wait to get chemo.

 This is the child life specialist with Max trying to do some distracting playing while he's getting his chemo.

 Max at the Art City days, eating more chips. lol At least he's eating!

 Sam on the trampoline at Art City days.

 Splash Pad fun!

 Our huge yard sale

 The boys at Clark Planetarium, shooting their Buzz light year lasers.

 Sam hanging out in the play room at the hospital.

I, personally, am doing pretty okay under the circumstances. I have my days when I can't believe this is actually happening to us. Then I have my days when I feel like I got this and we are going to kick this cancer's butt! Although, if anyone asks me how I'm doing, I generally break down a little. I have faith that this is the Lord's plan for us right now and that everything is going to turn out okay with Max. And we are already 3 treatments down! We got this!

Wow! This week was horrible! Max was so sick after his chemo treatment, and then we all got the stomach flu! Including poor little Max! Nate had to come home from work one day to take care of all us sickos. I was really hoping Nate wouldn't get it, and he seemed fine till this afternoon. I couldn't have gotten through this last week without all his help though. He even cleaned and vacuumed this morning for me because I felt too rotten to do it. I'm so lucky to have such an amazing hubby. Speaking of which, Saturday was our 6th anniversary. Man, time flies! We celebrated by going out to dinner last night by ourselves thanks to my awesome mom! I was so stressed out the whole time about Max being okay, but last night was actually one of his better nights. What a blessing! Sam has been such a great big brother and helper this week as well. I know it's hard for him to understand that Max just doesn't feel well enough to play, but he's been so patient and soft with him. I feel so guilty right now for giving Max all the attention, but Sam hasn't complained at all. I'm lucky to have such a sweet little 4 year old.
Today went a lot better. Max ate breakfast and lunch and kept his food down. That is huge for us right now. I'm hoping to be able to talk to a dietician tomorrow at Max's chemo appointment to get some ideas of how to get food in him and keep it down. Poor kid has lost so much weight. It makes me sick to the stomach every time I pick him up and feel how much lighter he is, or rub his back and feel every bump protruding from his spine. I won't even go into how sad it makes me to see him naked. I just hope this doesn't alter his growth too much.
I have to say, I'm so amazed by all the people that have donated to Max's donation account and his fundraiser yard sale/bake sale that's coming up this Saturday. Complete strangers have been donating and offering their help. My garage is completely full with yard sale stuff and we still have more people bringing things this week. Don't worry, we will find a place for it until Saturday! I'm so humbled by how good people are. Thank you again to everyone who has helped in any way whether it was prayers, thoughts, or any kind of donation. We are so grateful to you all.

This is what our week looked like. The 3 of us snuggled on the couch with a puke bucket, playing the wii. At least here we were feeling a little better and could smile. lol